Hey, I’m here. I’m not dead or anything. Just really, really lazy. I mean busy. Yes, that’s what I meant.
To tell you the truth, I’ve been feeling terribly uninspired for the past few days. Until just a few minutes ago. When I was reminded about puke. Because, I figure, everyone likes a good puke story.
Yummy.
It happened years ago, when I was just a wee child. My mom had taken us to a movie. I’d love to tell you I got sick off popcorn and candy and sugary beverages and vomited peacefully while Peter Pan zipped across the screen refusing to grow up. But that’s not what happened.
No sir.
You see, I don’t do anything the easy way. Especially when it comes to throwing up. It’s a violent experience. Internal organs feel like they’re going to retch up through my throat. Blood vessels in my face burst open. And the sounds. Oh the sounds. I imagine it’s pretty close to what it would sound like if a zombie and a tiger went head-to-head.
It’s all very undignified, I assure you.
On this particular day, years ago, I learned just how undignified it could get. We left the theater safely. No hint of vomit anywhere. As I recall, I felt fine. But something was brewing. Oh yes indeed it was. Next it was off to get lunch. And that’s when things got ugly.
Really ugly.
I’m sure I must have told my mom something was wrong as we stood in line waiting for our food. And I’m sure she said something sweet about making it better as soon as we sat down. But she couldn’t have known what was coming. She couldn’t have known there were just mere seconds before I would singlehandedly bust open a portal to hell up in that Carl’s Jr.
Again, it would be nice to tell you that I skipped away to the bathroom and let loose in a toilet like a normal person. Or that I ran outside and let it fly into a nearby bush. Or even that I discreetly did it in a corner of the restaurant somewhere.
Instead, I let loose a stream of projectile vomit all over the self-serve beverage station. Yep, I sure did. And all anyone could do was stare in amazement at the girl who was convulsing and making noises like a dying sea lion.
And that’s the last thing I remember. But I feel fairly confident that I did not get fries with that. So, friends, here’s another little tidbit to stash away in your stalker file. I suspect some of you might think twice before inviting me out to lunch now, though.
oh my, that’s hilarious! your poor mom must have been so embarrassed!! thanks for sharing such an awesome story
Oh, poor you! I don’t believe I have ever publicly thrown up, but couldn’t imagine the embarrassment! I imagine people didn’t want drinks after that…
Wow the things kids put parents thru
our worst was when our (then) 2yr old vomited in a Target water fountain, lol
puke stories are awesome. you might enjoy reading this post I did a while back… http://kim-thislittlelifeofmine.blogspot.com/2011/01/adventures-of-mommyhood.html
Kids and vomit go hand in hand (so to speak)
I am literally laughing out loud.
P.S. I’d still invite you to lunch.
that is hilarious! of course if you were my child i would be mortified! I am known as a quiet puker but my husband literally sounds like he possessed by the devil when he pukes. and my dad? i woke up one night when i was in high school because i thought he was dying – but just puking. oh the stories upon stories people can tell about throwing up
Haha!
I remember when I first witnessed projectile vomiting… back in my undergrad days my friend and I went drinking and he had a little too much. We were on the bus going home and he wasn’t looking so good, then he suddenly held his head up and projectile vomited everywhere. Haha! It was kind of awesome.
Oh no poor you!!!!!!
I love how you write Trish, This is very inspiring. I love to watch people vomit….just kidding but we did have this discussion at work, which on bothers you more? poop or throw up? I chose throw up. I can’t stand to smell someones poop but I can comfort you while you puke. sick, I know. You started this….hysterical! dawn suitcase vignettes xo
OMG that is hilarious (sorry) but it made me laugh!!
Your blog is so pretty btw!
XO,
Erin
http://erinscurrentlycoveting.blogspot.com/
OMG. I’m a projectile vomiter too! You know what I don’t recommend for you? Salmonella poisoning. I have never vomited more convulsively than the peanut butter fiasco. Not. Good. I didn’t do it all over the beverage station though. I wonder how they cleaned it? Is it wrong that I find this hysterical?
My oldest once vomited all over a children’s museum. Needless to say, they were not happy. Happy SITS day!
Oh my goodness! You didn’t??!!! You did! On the beverage station! I guess nobody was going to get Pepsi on that day!
Ha! So funny! Well, likely not so funny for you at the time…but it’s one of those memories that I’m sure you can look back on now and have a laugh at.
HAPPY SITS DAY!
I seriously just let out several giant snort laughs as I was reading this. Thanks for starting my day off on a high note! Happy SITS day!
I’ve gone through a couple of “projectile vomiting” episodes with my two girls, but luckily we were at home
Happy SITS Day!
This made me laugh out loud!!! I can totally picture the scene, and I am sure your mother wanted to die of embarrassment. And I am sure the employees left to clean up the mess just wanted to die!
Seriously, though this was great!!
Meant to add I am visiting from SITS!
Ugh and ewww! This is by far one of my biggest, “Please do let this ever happen to me or my kids” fears.
Visiting from SITS
Oh, my. All I can think is “Jesus, I hope my kids never do that.”
The workers must have loved you!
Happy SITS Day!
I don’t mean to laugh. I completely understand. But this is exactly how I feel about vomit. Ugh. Happy SITS day…hope it’s free of barf. LOL.
Ohhhhh boy…and I was JUST about to eat! LOL. Stopping in from SITS to say hello! Bless, Leslie.
This is TOO funny! And I thought barf was just for my kids (and I’m sooo helpful when they puke, that is, if sympathy gagging counts)
This would be funnier to me if I hadn’t been violently vomiting last week with the flu. And wouldn’t you know it… I woke up in the middle of the night and almost immediately got sick. As soon as I woke up, I felt like something was really, really wrong. I couldn’t get up to make it to the bathroom in time and I got sick all over my bedroom floor. I don’t have a bed right now. So I try to sleep kind of sitting up, but of course I’m on the floor so it’s not really very comfortable. I have ankylosing spondilytis, an auto-immune disease that affects my joints, so I can hardly ever get comfortable and getting up takes what seems like forever. So, yep… I know what it’s like… throwing up like that. A complete drag.
I can definitely relate. When I was a kid I threw up at school choir practice which was held in a church. Yes, I threw up all over a pew (and a poor kids backpack…and another poor kid’s sweater…which he happened to be wearing).
I can definitely relate. When I was a kid I threw up at school choir practice which was held in a church. Yes, I threw up all over a pew (and a poor kids backpack…and another poor kid’s sweater…which he happened to be wearing).
Oh, and this church also happened to be located in South Bend (I just noticed you’re from the area).
Ew. But also, hilarious. Visiting from SITS.
Gross! lol. I hate throw up but who doesn’t!? I would of been running toward the door if I saw you doing that.