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This will not become a baby blog

May 24, 2012      26 Comments

Nothing against baby blogs. Because I love baby blogs. I read them all the time. I know more about complete strangers’ breast feeding habits than I should.
But, I don’t want my blog to be a baby blog.  I mean, it’s about me after all.  And I’m not a baby.  Unless you catch me right after I wake up in the morning.  Or right after I’ve discovered someone ate the last piece of cake.  Or if you wait too long to feed me.
Now that I’ve got that disclaimer out of the way, I’m going to talk about my baby.  I know, I know.  I just said it’s not a baby blog.  And it isn’t.  I just want to tell you what a jerk this kid is already turning out to be.
You see, I had my monthly appointment with my midwife and everything was going fine.  They weighed me and I chose not to look, just like normal.  Then I peed in a cup, and all over my hand, just like normal.  Amanda (my amazing midwife) asked me all the standard questions and I answered them, like normal.
Then it was time to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  The best part about these appointments.  And she couldn’t find it.  She poked and prodded for what seemed like an hour, and nothing.  And of course, I’m freaking out on the inside.  Something’s wrong. And I’m here all alone.
When she stopped poking around my belly and helped me sit up I asked quite meekly “Is this…normal?”  I was expecting her to say no. That it was probably a disaster.  I was likely going to leave there a broken, mess of a woman.  Someone hold me.
Instead, she sweetly told me not to worry.  It’s not uncommon for everything to be fine but for some reason not be able to locate the heartbeat.  Then she lead me over to the ultrasound room so she could get a look at what the baby was up to.
What she found was terrifying.
The baby was alive and well and karate chopping my uterus.  It was scissor kicking my insides.  It was head-butting me.  It was so active that my midwife burst into hearty laughter, looked at me and said “Oh you’re in so much trouble when this baby gets bigger.”
I was elated.  My baby is okay!
I was pissed.  My baby is a total jerk!
Scare me half to death and then, quite literally, kick me while I’m down.  Mamma doesn’t need a heart attack at 30 you tiny monster.
And here it is, looking quite innocent:
I know better though.
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Comments

  1. Krystal says

    May 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Sheesh! Thank goodness everything was all right! I too would have panicked.

    Reply
  2. Paloma says

    May 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I am glad everything is ok with baby! Not a monster, not a jerk just a growing baby LOL! 😉 you are funny! … and yes… it might become a baby blog… just sayin’ LOL! 😉

    Reply
  3. Sarah @ Spoon Fed Baby says

    May 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    That can be a scary moment for sure! I had that happen once and started bawling when they found him moving around on the ultra sound screen 🙂 And beware….you say it won’t be a baby blog now, but once that baby comes, it’s hard to do/think anything but baby for a while!

    Reply
  4. Anna says

    May 24, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    What a scare! Im glad everything is okay with the baby!

    Reply
  5. Lissa @ The Looking Glass says

    May 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    aww i’m so glad that everything is ok! i also laughed a little at your first line: “this will not become a baby blog.” ha you’re funny! found you via the blog hop xo

    Reply
  6. denisemalloy.com says

    May 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Enjoyed your blog from your SITS day – stopping back by. Not to worry about becoming a baby blog – you will eat, (hopefully) sleep and dream baby for quite some time. It’s all normal. Then they become teenagers. . .

    Reply
  7. Lin says

    May 24, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Haha, this baby’s already keeping you on your toes! Glad you got to see the little ninja 🙂

    Reply
  8. Christine says

    May 24, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Phew! Glad that everything is OK! Silly baby is already trying to trick you.

    Reply
  9. mywildcrazylife says

    May 24, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Congrats on Ninja Baby! Sounds like it’s going to be fun fun 😛

    Reply
  10. Nicole Jensen Barry says

    May 24, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Hahaha! Thank goodness it turned out okay! You know, minus kung fu baby inside you. At least you can’t feel all those karate chops yet… wait till they’re on your bladder 🙂

    Reply
  11. jamie @ [kreyv] says

    May 24, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    LOL! All I could think about was, “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting…” Glad baby is active and healthy!

    Reply
  12. another jennifer says

    May 25, 2012 at 12:53 am

    Oh my gosh. Too funny. My first was super active. He’s 6 now, and I’m constantly telling him to stop moving. Good luck!

    Reply
  13. Kim says

    May 24, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Sorry, but this post made me giggle! Glad to hear that everything is great, but this is life with kids in a nutshell. They can piss you off, scare the crap out of you, and then melt your heart all in the same minute. Enough to drive you batty! PS I have a feeling this is most definitely going to become a baby blog (but that isn’t a bad thing) 😉

    Reply
  14. Kassi @ Truly Lovely says

    May 24, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    OH goodness! Lookout mama! haha. 😉

    Reply
  15. Jenny says

    May 25, 2012 at 6:36 am

    This whole post had me cracking up, I love it! Stopping by from the Networking Blog Hop…I am your newest follower! I would love if you would check out my blog and if you like what you see please follow back 🙂
    Modern Modest Beauty

    Reply
  16. Misty says

    May 25, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    Stinker!
    But adorably innocent looking- for sure!
    LOVE the post!

    Reply
  17. Mo 'Betta says

    May 26, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    OMG! What a terrifying few minutes for you…so glad he/she was just being a little….kid. Just the first of many scary mommy moments 🙂 (Encouraging right?!)

    Reply
  18. WhisperingWriter says

    May 28, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Ha, the baby is already keeping you busy!

    Reply
  19. Denise says

    May 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Uh oh, you are definitely in trouble now 🙂

    Reply
  20. Amy @ AGirlCalledBeloved says

    May 29, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Awww! Congrats Trish! How exciting! 🙂

    Reply
  21. Tiffany says

    May 31, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    I am SO glad everything was ok.

    Reply
  22. Jenn says

    May 31, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    LOL. It’s not that babies take over your blog. They take over your LIFE. You won’t have anything else to blog about (not really, but it seems that way half the time).
    Congrats on a healthy little one!

    Reply
  23. Mrs. Pancakes says

    June 3, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Our babies must have met…aren’t they adorable in their karate choppin mode!!

    Reply
  24. Cami says

    June 11, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Oh gosh…glad everything turned out ok! <3

    Reply
  25. Suze says

    June 20, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    Haha our babies are soulmates. Mine is ALWAYS freaking me out.

    Reply
  26. Dawn says

    June 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Trish congratualtions, I feel like a jerk for not knowing. This is great news! Dawn suitcse vignettes xo Your kid already has your sense of humor…haha!

    Reply

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Hey, I'm Trish (and that handsome dude next to me pretending he doesn't want his picture taken is Wyatt). Welcome to my blog! I'm a single, homeschool mom living the introvert life in Southern Michigan. If you're into Chinese food, Netflix, stretchy pants, and leaving the house the least amount possible, we can probably be friends.

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